PHOENIX, Ariz. - Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon penned an open letter to Charles Barkley, Cris Carter, ESPN's Stephen A. Smith and everyone else who has labeled him as a failure and a drug addict to set the record straight and explain his recent failed drug test.
In the letter, which appeared Thursday on The Cauldron, Gordon reiterated that he's not an addict and he's not going to die from substance abuse, which Barkley cautioned this week on ESPN's His and Hers show.
In the compelling and heartfelt essay, Gordon tells his life story of growing up in a single-parent household on the crime-ridden streets of Houston and reminds people that he's a success story, even though he's failed at times.
Gordon, who's facing a minimum one-year ban from the NFL for testing positive for alcohol, explains what happened and how he tested positive this time.
As part of his league-imposed program, he had to abstain from alcohol for the entire 2014 season. He explains, however, that he thought the season was over when he drank. He writes that on Jan. 2 he boarded a plane to Las Vegas with teammates and had two beers and two drinks during the flight. Teammates included Joe Haden, Travis Benjamin, Andrew Hawkins, Miles Austin and others. Wide receivers coach Mike McDaniel was also on the flight, but Gordon did not include that in the letter.
McDaniel, who was brought over from Washington with former Browns and current Falcons offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan, has since parted ways with the team, but more because he was Shanahan's hire and not because he was a party to Gordon's violation of the substance abuse policy.
Gordon wrote that it was the first time he had consumed alcohol since his DWI on July 4 in North Carolina.
He admits he made a bad choice by drinking that day, and upon landing in Las Vegas, he received notice he had to report to a testing location within four hours. He goes on to say that it doesn't matter if he thought the alcohol restrictions were over. He made a mistake and failed himself again.
He also states that he hasn't yet decided if he'll appeal the indefinite ban.
Some excerpts:
On Charles Barkley and other media critics:
"Chuck, you have never so much as shook my hand, let alone exchanged a single word with me. Few of you have, to be honest. Respectfully, your worry over my "problems" with substance abuse and my twisting descent into darkness and, apparently, my impending death, is misplaced — mostly because you have very little idea what you are talking about. None of you do, even those of you who seem curiously obsessed with the goings-on in my life. . . "
On failing another test:
" . . . First, words cannot express the remorse and regret I feel over this latest incident. I acknowledge that the repeated transgressions that have led up to this point have damaged my credibility, and for that, the only person to blame is me.
"I have let down many in Cleveland — my Browns teammates, our hard-working coaching staff, the team's ownership, and the loyal fan base that wants nothing more than to win. Playing there is different than in many other cities. We feel the fans' pain. We know how important this is to them.
"Also, I have disappointed the family and close friends who have always stood by me — no matter how tough things have been at certain points in my life. Believe me, there have been more dark days than I care to remember.
"Most importantly, I have failed myself. Again.. . . "
On his upbringing:
"But you know what, Charles, Stephen A., Cris and everyone else? I also have succeeded.
"I succeeded by escaping a youth riddled with poverty, gang violence and very little in the way of guidance or support. I succeeded by narrowly avoiding a life of crime that managed to sink its clutches into almost all of my childhood friends. I succeeded by working tremendously hard on my craft and my body to even have a chance to play professional football for a living. And, contrary to popular belief, I succeeded by overcoming my longstanding relationship with weed — because I knew I was risking my future over it."
On how he failed himself along the way:
I failed myself when started using marijuana regularly as a young teenager. I failed myself when I ruined a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be Robert Griffin III's running mate during his Heisman Trophy-winning season at Baylor. I failed myself when I didn't check with the league office to ensure that my doctor-prescribed, codeine-based medicine was allowed under NFL guidelines. I failed myself when I was arrested for driving a motor vehicle with a blood-alcohol level over the legal limit. I failed myself when I missed a team walkthrough late in the season and was suspended for the final game of the year. ...Truth is, I have not smoked marijuana since before I was drafted by the Browns in 2012 — and there are years' worth of drug tests to prove it.
How the failed test happened:
"On Jan. 2 of this year, just days after our season ended earlier than we all had hoped — and yes, my actions during the prior offseason definitely contributed to our failure to make the playoffs; it killed me seeing our guys fight so hard when I wasn't out there with them — I boarded a private flight to Las Vegas with several teammates. During the flight, I had two beers and two drinks. It was the first time I had consumed so much as a drop of alcohol since July 4, 2014, the day of the DWI.
"Anyone who knows me knows that I am not much of a drinker. Even calling me a social drinker would be an exaggeration, but at that moment, on that flight, I made a choice. The wrong choice, as it turned out.
"Upon landing, I received the all-too-familiar notice by phone that I was to report to a testing location within four hours. I failed the test, obviously, and the rest is history ... colored by media speculation and faux outrage.
"In the end, of course, I failed myself."
Smith responded to the letter Thursday, telling Northeast Ohio Media Group that it doesn't change the fact that he feels Gordon has thrown away every opportunity presented to him.
